I had an u/s today at 6w4d. The gestational sac is still irregular, but the edges are more clearly defined. The RE couldn't find a yolk sac or fetal pole, and obviously no heartbeat (which he thought he saw a flicker of at the 6w0d u/s on Monday).
The RE is sending us for a second opinion from a radiology practice next week (7w+). He said because of the irregular shape, it might just be that he can't get the angle right. He also wants them to look transabdominally to see where the pregnancy is (he thinks it is the sac he has seen, and didn't see anything when he looked towards my ovaries and cervix, but he wants to make sure he isn't missing something).
He said he has seen pregnancies like this end up being viable pregnancies, so I am very much trying to hang on to that. That being said, it was obviously not good news today. They drew blood, but I won't get those results until tomorrow.
What a shitty day for it to be my last day of work. I had to come back to work after the ultrasound, and keep having to scramble to hide the fact that I'm crying every time someone comes in to my office to say goodbye to me.
ETA: No ultrasound print-outs today. That's never a good sign.
Friday, October 2, 2015
Monday, September 28, 2015
First Ultrasound, 6w0d
We're back from our first ultrasound, at 6w0d. I don't really know what to think. There was one gestational sac. The RE didn't identify any other structures (e.g., a yolk sac), but did say he saw "fetal development." The sac is irregularly shaped. He didn't take any measurements (because of the irregular shape?). I asked if the shape was cause for concern, and he said "that's what I'm looking at" but didn't actually answer the question. At one point during the ultrasound Sylvia thought she might have seen a flicker of a heartbeat, and the RE said he thought he saw "something" too, but couldn't find it again.
At the end of the appointment I asked him about the chance of miscarriage given what he's seen today, and he said about 10%. I go back Friday for another ultrasound.
We are praying hard for our little spark!
At the end of the appointment I asked him about the chance of miscarriage given what he's seen today, and he said about 10%. I go back Friday for another ultrasound.
We are praying hard for our little spark!
Monday, June 8, 2015
Keeping Track
I have never been the most organized person in the world. Especially in the arena of infertility treatment notes, where I'm typically diving for the phone and grabbing any scrap paper I can find to transcribe the conversation with the RE's office before I forget the details.
Also, I refer back to the early days of this blog over and over again as I seek to measure my progress in our current cycle against the progress in the cycle that yielded the twins. It's great to have it all laid out there, written in near-real-time back then, and not have to search the recesses of my spotty memory.
So, I'm going to start blogging again. Not because I think anyone will ever read it (people don't really even "blog" anymore, do they? it was such a thing way back when, but now has been replaced by facebook and instagram and twitter and a bunch of other technologies I am too much of a late adopter to use). I am just going to use this space as a place to help me keep track. I also hope to come back and backfill the missing time with information about our prior cycles (putting them in the appropriate place, chronologically). Well, at least for the cycles where I can find my post-its and scraps of paper!
So now you've been warned, dear readers of which I think there are zero. Old blog bubbling to life again.
Oh, yes, and P.S. ... We're ttc #3.
Also, I refer back to the early days of this blog over and over again as I seek to measure my progress in our current cycle against the progress in the cycle that yielded the twins. It's great to have it all laid out there, written in near-real-time back then, and not have to search the recesses of my spotty memory.
So, I'm going to start blogging again. Not because I think anyone will ever read it (people don't really even "blog" anymore, do they? it was such a thing way back when, but now has been replaced by facebook and instagram and twitter and a bunch of other technologies I am too much of a late adopter to use). I am just going to use this space as a place to help me keep track. I also hope to come back and backfill the missing time with information about our prior cycles (putting them in the appropriate place, chronologically). Well, at least for the cycles where I can find my post-its and scraps of paper!
So now you've been warned, dear readers of which I think there are zero. Old blog bubbling to life again.
Oh, yes, and P.S. ... We're ttc #3.
Sunday, May 17, 2015
December 2012 - May 2015, In Brief
Brief notes re: TTC #3, December 2012-May 2015:
IVF consult Dec. 2012 (IVF considered due to only having one vial of twins' donor's sperm left)
More sperm became available in Mar. 2013 (7 vials) and we bought them all; IUI is now a possibility
RE consult June 2014 in preparation for August 2014 start (delayed to end of Sept.); HSG (clear) in Sept. 2014
IUI Cycles (starting in Oct. 2014)
- Cycle 1 (Clomid 100 mg, Met 1000 mg): cancelled because I had 2 mature/nearly mature follicles at last check pre-trigger and we're trying to avoid multiples
- Cycle 2 (Clomid 50 mg, Met 1k mg): no response
- Cycle 3 (Clomid 100 mg, Met 1k mg): IUI #1 Nov. 22; beta scheduled for Dec. 5
> C-section Scar Pregnancy (CSP), methotrexate late Dec. to resolve/stop increasing betas; benched until Mar. 2015
- SIS to check uterine damage from CSP, cleared to cycle again late Mar. 2015
- Cycle 4 (Clomid 100 mg, Met 1.5k mg): IUI #2 April 13, BFN
- Cycle 5 (Clomid 100 mg, Met 1.5k mg): IUI #3 May 15, BFN
IVF consult Dec. 2012 (IVF considered due to only having one vial of twins' donor's sperm left)
More sperm became available in Mar. 2013 (7 vials) and we bought them all; IUI is now a possibility
RE consult June 2014 in preparation for August 2014 start (delayed to end of Sept.); HSG (clear) in Sept. 2014
IUI Cycles (starting in Oct. 2014)
- Cycle 1 (Clomid 100 mg, Met 1000 mg): cancelled because I had 2 mature/nearly mature follicles at last check pre-trigger and we're trying to avoid multiples
- Cycle 2 (Clomid 50 mg, Met 1k mg): no response
- Cycle 3 (Clomid 100 mg, Met 1k mg): IUI #1 Nov. 22; beta scheduled for Dec. 5
> C-section Scar Pregnancy (CSP), methotrexate late Dec. to resolve/stop increasing betas; benched until Mar. 2015
- SIS to check uterine damage from CSP, cleared to cycle again late Mar. 2015
- Cycle 4 (Clomid 100 mg, Met 1.5k mg): IUI #2 April 13, BFN
- Cycle 5 (Clomid 100 mg, Met 1.5k mg): IUI #3 May 15, BFN
Monday, June 3, 2013
Strawberry Picking at Butler's Orchard
We discovered, recently, that there are apparently two "good" weekends for strawberry picking in our area. One was this past weekend, so we scrambled and made plans to go out Saturday morning(...ish) to pick strawberries with the kids.
Peanut, in particular, is a huuuuuuuge strawberry aficionado, so we thought this activity would be fun for her. And Little Man is always up for seeing/playing on tractors, which this farm had, so we figured it'd be a good bet for him, too. They did enjoy picking strawberries, but oddly enough it was Sylvia who really had a blast. Who knew?!
We rode a wagon (pulled by a tractor) out to the strawberry field, got our row assignment, and were off to the races, each of us trying to find the biggest, ripest strawberries to be had.
It was HOT out there, but they did a great job finding lots of yummy strawberries. We got to sample a few (with permission, of course), and there is something truly delectable about biting into a strawberry that is warm from the sun. They practically melt in your mouth.
I definitely think we'll do this again next year-- it was a lot of fun. (And just in case I forget in between now and then: yes, dress the kids in bleach-able shirts. That was a very good call.)
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| Butler's Orchard welcome... truck :) |
We rode a wagon (pulled by a tractor) out to the strawberry field, got our row assignment, and were off to the races, each of us trying to find the biggest, ripest strawberries to be had.
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| Peanut and Mama |
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| Little Man (whose head is not really that big!) |
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| contemplating their next moves |
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| showing off their haul -- 4 pounds of fresh strawberries! :) |
Friday, May 31, 2013
This, That, and The Other
This:
The kids and I are back from a six-day vacation to see my parents, two of my brothers, my Awesome sister-in-law (not that the others aren't great, but this one is as close as I've ever been to having a sister), and my twin nephews (about a year older than our kiddos). It was awesome. Three years old turned out to be a great age for this kind of a trip-- it was SO much easier to handle them by myself than it was when they were younger, and they're at a good, engaging age such that the other adults around seemed to enjoy their company. The first few days of naptimes and bedtimes were an unmitigated disaster, though. Definitely something to work on before my next solo venture.
That:
Summer has arrived! I love the longer days (even if the kids are still confused about why they have to go to bed before it gets dark) and warmer weather. I also love dressing them in shorts and short-sleeve shirts. It reminds me how little they still are. Somehow under the bulky clothes of winter they look like Big Kids to me, but when I see their skinny little arms and legs, I get all mushy because they really are still Little Kids. They're growing up awfully fast, though. I'm taking pictures like a madwoman, trying to hold on to every minute.
The Other:
The Other is the elephant in the room, the 500-pound gorilla sitting on my chest: the possibility of a third child. I want another child. Desperately, one might say. At various times, Sylvia does, too. But her desire to have another child is offset by her fear (of financial stress, of parenting stress, of her age), and so we wait. We are working through some parenting differences with our (new, but so far relatively helpful) couples counselor, and after a rough week decided to table the conversation about having a third child for now.
But that doesn't make the ache go away.
A few weeks back I posted this on a local message board:
The kids and I are back from a six-day vacation to see my parents, two of my brothers, my Awesome sister-in-law (not that the others aren't great, but this one is as close as I've ever been to having a sister), and my twin nephews (about a year older than our kiddos). It was awesome. Three years old turned out to be a great age for this kind of a trip-- it was SO much easier to handle them by myself than it was when they were younger, and they're at a good, engaging age such that the other adults around seemed to enjoy their company. The first few days of naptimes and bedtimes were an unmitigated disaster, though. Definitely something to work on before my next solo venture.
That:
Summer has arrived! I love the longer days (even if the kids are still confused about why they have to go to bed before it gets dark) and warmer weather. I also love dressing them in shorts and short-sleeve shirts. It reminds me how little they still are. Somehow under the bulky clothes of winter they look like Big Kids to me, but when I see their skinny little arms and legs, I get all mushy because they really are still Little Kids. They're growing up awfully fast, though. I'm taking pictures like a madwoman, trying to hold on to every minute.
The Other:
The Other is the elephant in the room, the 500-pound gorilla sitting on my chest: the possibility of a third child. I want another child. Desperately, one might say. At various times, Sylvia does, too. But her desire to have another child is offset by her fear (of financial stress, of parenting stress, of her age), and so we wait. We are working through some parenting differences with our (new, but so far relatively helpful) couples counselor, and after a rough week decided to table the conversation about having a third child for now.
But that doesn't make the ache go away.
A few weeks back I posted this on a local message board:
How do you tell your biological clock to hush for a bit? Our TTC plans are on hold as we work through some parenting issues in couples counseling and figure out the financial aspects of having a third kid, and as much as I know I need to be fine with that all, some days I just want to yell "I'm dyin' here!!" I am finding it extremely hard to backburner my desire for another kid. And the fact that the kids are already three and that I'll be 36 in June isn't helping.
Today I came across some videos of the kids from when they were two, and I just broke down and bawled. The tears were for how precious they were (and are), but also for my deep sadness at the possibility that I might not have an opportunity to parent another child through those tender years again.
Some days I genuinely don't know if I could come out the other side of all this discussion and be okay if the answer to the question of another kid is no. I can see being very hurt and even bitter for a long time, and I know that wouldn't be healthy for me or my marriage.
So there we have it. Nothing to do but keep on keepin' on.I definitely wouldn't ever push Sylvia to be okay with trying for another kid, but in the back of my mind I can't help but think that if everyone waited for circumstances to be Perfect (with a capital P!), very few people would ever have kids! Having a kid takes a leap of faith, and while obviously you should plan and save and try to make sure everything is in order, ultimately you can't plan for every possibility.
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Easter
So here are our kiddos' FIRST EVER Easter baskets. The trucks were supposed to be for their birthday, but we never gave the kids their birthday presents (long story), so the trucks became part of their baskets.
My favorite part of watching them explore their baskets (on our bedroom floor-- we are still finding pieces of that paper grass stuff!) was seeing Peanut offer her brother and/or me her goodies. Any time she came across two of anything (like the pretzel sticks in her hand here), she gave one to her brother. Awww!
After nap, we had our first royal icing experience. I thought it would be a complete mess, but they actually did very well pouring the icing into the shape (which I'd piped earlier) with a spoon, and then spreading it around with a toothpick. I bought a 14-pack of gel colors to let them color the icing any color they wanted, but they picked the predictable pink/green/blue set of colors. DD made lots of pink bunnies and flowers and DS made green bunnies (he decided they were actually frogs) and blue butterflies.
My favorite part of watching them explore their baskets (on our bedroom floor-- we are still finding pieces of that paper grass stuff!) was seeing Peanut offer her brother and/or me her goodies. Any time she came across two of anything (like the pretzel sticks in her hand here), she gave one to her brother. Awww!
After nap, we had our first royal icing experience. I thought it would be a complete mess, but they actually did very well pouring the icing into the shape (which I'd piped earlier) with a spoon, and then spreading it around with a toothpick. I bought a 14-pack of gel colors to let them color the icing any color they wanted, but they picked the predictable pink/green/blue set of colors. DD made lots of pink bunnies and flowers and DS made green bunnies (he decided they were actually frogs) and blue butterflies.
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Commuting Treasures
Mama: Look at the sky! What a beautiful sunset!
Peanut: God painted the sky, and He did a GOOD job!!
Peanut: God painted the sky, and He did a GOOD job!!
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Too-Long Trip
Sylvia took the kiddos to visit Grandma to celebrate both Grandma's recent birthday and the kids' upcoming birthday (3... what?!?!). They left on Friday. Here's how it's been since then:
Friday (post-airport run): Margaritas (two) and a meal that was all my own. Delicious. Hours wandering around the outlet mall; errands run.
Saturday: Slept in till 8. Lovely. Woke up to an empty house (save the dog) and no one to make breakfast for. Mood down a notch. In the evening, called Sylvia just in time to hear her family sing the kids happy birthday, and to hear the kids blow out candles on their birthday cakes. I missed seeing my kids blow out candles for the first time ever. Tears.
Sunday: Woke up at 5:30 wondering why I didn't have two tiny feet planted in my back like I usually do. Realized kiddos were still at Grandma's. Tried to go back to sleep. Gave up and went to mope downstairs. Went to church and sat all by myself in a row that normally wouldn't have been long enough to fit my family. Ate hummus and Reese's Pieces (both banned in our house due to the kiddos' allergies), which failed to cheer me up.
Monday: Showered by myself in a warm bathroom without having to ask a million times for various wee ones to please shut the door to keep the heat in. Loved the warmth, but missed the sound of my little boy sitting outside the shower reading Hugless Douglas to me. Stayed at work until midnight because there was no one to go home to. Got dissed by the dog who turned around and went right back outside once she realized I didn't bring any of her little friends home with me.
Tuesday: Heard from S that they are staying at Grandma's an extra day because of the snow storm we're anticipating here tomorrow. 8:21 PM and I'm still at work.
Everyone keeps asking me if I'm enjoying having all this time to myself. Hmmph.
Friday (post-airport run): Margaritas (two) and a meal that was all my own. Delicious. Hours wandering around the outlet mall; errands run.
Saturday: Slept in till 8. Lovely. Woke up to an empty house (save the dog) and no one to make breakfast for. Mood down a notch. In the evening, called Sylvia just in time to hear her family sing the kids happy birthday, and to hear the kids blow out candles on their birthday cakes. I missed seeing my kids blow out candles for the first time ever. Tears.
Sunday: Woke up at 5:30 wondering why I didn't have two tiny feet planted in my back like I usually do. Realized kiddos were still at Grandma's. Tried to go back to sleep. Gave up and went to mope downstairs. Went to church and sat all by myself in a row that normally wouldn't have been long enough to fit my family. Ate hummus and Reese's Pieces (both banned in our house due to the kiddos' allergies), which failed to cheer me up.
Monday: Showered by myself in a warm bathroom without having to ask a million times for various wee ones to please shut the door to keep the heat in. Loved the warmth, but missed the sound of my little boy sitting outside the shower reading Hugless Douglas to me. Stayed at work until midnight because there was no one to go home to. Got dissed by the dog who turned around and went right back outside once she realized I didn't bring any of her little friends home with me.
Tuesday: Heard from S that they are staying at Grandma's an extra day because of the snow storm we're anticipating here tomorrow. 8:21 PM and I'm still at work.
Everyone keeps asking me if I'm enjoying having all this time to myself. Hmmph.
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
A Post From The Outskirts
It's hard, you know, to know quite what to say in the days and weeks after a loss. Particularly of someone so central to a community that you yourself sit on the outskirts of. I struggled about whether to even write this post, as I feel it's not really my place to talk about a loss so distant. And yet... It's hard to come to a blog space and not acknowledge what's been going on in the broader blogging community.
I feel a little guilty, honestly, about following Reproducing Genius and then C is for Crocodile and commenting so very rarely. I feel like I took but did not give. I hate that feeling. And yet... As bloggers we come to a public space to put our thoughts out there, frequently without expectation of receiving something in exchange for our words. At least that's how it is for me. Clicks and pageviews are a mechanism of communication, albeit silent. They say "there are people out here who care about what you say." Small consolation, though, when I feel I've done so very little.
I feel a little guilty, honestly, about following Reproducing Genius and then C is for Crocodile and commenting so very rarely. I feel like I took but did not give. I hate that feeling. And yet... As bloggers we come to a public space to put our thoughts out there, frequently without expectation of receiving something in exchange for our words. At least that's how it is for me. Clicks and pageviews are a mechanism of communication, albeit silent. They say "there are people out here who care about what you say." Small consolation, though, when I feel I've done so very little.
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
New Year, New Look, New... Energy?
Hard to believe it's 2013 and our little kiddos are cruising quickly toward 3 years old. So very, very much has happened in the past 3 years, and I've only shared a fraction of it here. Already memories are slipping away... Things I thought I'd never forget. I miss not having a record of it here (or anywhere, truly), so I think I'm going to start blogging again.
In the interest of full disclosure, I'll say that there were many dark days in the time I've been silent. Dark days for me personally, and especially for my marriage. Now that I (and we) are mostly on the other side of the darkness, I feel a little more free to share. Well, that and now that darkness isn't sapping every.single.ounce of my available energy, I might have enough energy to write again.
I hope I find the energy, because even though I've never really had a following here, I do feel loosely connected to "the blogging community" when I write. I miss that connection. I also miss feeling free to be as verbose as I (typically) am. Chat boards and other means of keeping up with the folks I care about and who care about me are great, but I always feel a little stifled, like I have to break my life up into tiny soundbites for fear of boring people. But here? Here I can wax nostalgic, poetic, or just plain crazy for as many words as I please. Ahhhhh, sweet freedom.
In a feeble effort to bring my blog out of the stone age, I've updated the look and moved some things around. Please do pop into any comment space and let me know if anything looks strange or is inaccessible.
And since it's been a while since I've posted a picture to this blog, here's my current favorite picture of the kiddos (taken last October):
In the interest of full disclosure, I'll say that there were many dark days in the time I've been silent. Dark days for me personally, and especially for my marriage. Now that I (and we) are mostly on the other side of the darkness, I feel a little more free to share. Well, that and now that darkness isn't sapping every.single.ounce of my available energy, I might have enough energy to write again.
I hope I find the energy, because even though I've never really had a following here, I do feel loosely connected to "the blogging community" when I write. I miss that connection. I also miss feeling free to be as verbose as I (typically) am. Chat boards and other means of keeping up with the folks I care about and who care about me are great, but I always feel a little stifled, like I have to break my life up into tiny soundbites for fear of boring people. But here? Here I can wax nostalgic, poetic, or just plain crazy for as many words as I please. Ahhhhh, sweet freedom.
In a feeble effort to bring my blog out of the stone age, I've updated the look and moved some things around. Please do pop into any comment space and let me know if anything looks strange or is inaccessible.
And since it's been a while since I've posted a picture to this blog, here's my current favorite picture of the kiddos (taken last October):
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Fierce
As some of you may know, our little Peanut and Mama (Sylvia) are pretty much joined at the hip. Peanut is Mama's closest companion and biggest defender. I got a little taste of Peanut's ferocity the other day when S offered me the remainder of a salad she'd been eating (she was done with it). I took one bite and looked up to see Peanut pointing her finger at me and saying "No, Mommy! SPIT IT OUT!! Mama's salad!"
Two years old, here we come!
Two years old, here we come!
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Five Favorites
Favorite thing overheard at the breakfast table:
"Mama, mama! Give me some dap!" (Peanut, holding her fist out to Mama for a fist bump.)
Favorite post-dinner activity:
Singing our after-dinner drumming song. When everyone is done eating we push the dishes to the middle of the table and sing a song that includes lots of banging on the table (our drum). The kids always ask, "more?"
Favorite sweet moment:
When Peanut let Little Man hold her hand during the I love you song. He looked at me with a huge smile and said "Mommy! Hand! Hand!!" (Usually Peanut pushes him away; you could tell her allowing him to hold her hand made his day.)
Favorite sound:
Little toddler giggles as Little Man and Peanut chase each other playfully.
Favorite feeling:
Little Man when he crawls up in my lap and hugs me tight with both his arms and his legs. Peanut when she comes over to me as I'm doing dishes and leans her head against my thigh.
"Mama, mama! Give me some dap!" (Peanut, holding her fist out to Mama for a fist bump.)
Favorite post-dinner activity:
Singing our after-dinner drumming song. When everyone is done eating we push the dishes to the middle of the table and sing a song that includes lots of banging on the table (our drum). The kids always ask, "more?"
Favorite sweet moment:
When Peanut let Little Man hold her hand during the I love you song. He looked at me with a huge smile and said "Mommy! Hand! Hand!!" (Usually Peanut pushes him away; you could tell her allowing him to hold her hand made his day.)
Favorite sound:
Little toddler giggles as Little Man and Peanut chase each other playfully.
Favorite feeling:
Little Man when he crawls up in my lap and hugs me tight with both his arms and his legs. Peanut when she comes over to me as I'm doing dishes and leans her head against my thigh.
Friday, January 27, 2012
My Brave Little Kiddos
The kiddos (and I) have had a rough go of it lately. We all had viral pneumonia a couple months back (mine just finally resolved a few weeks ago; thankfully Little Man and Peanut fared better). Then last week Peanut had a nasty stomach virus that landed her in the ER for IV fluids and a Zofran script (poor baby couldn't keep a thing down, not even a teaspoon of pedialyte!). Now this week they battled RSV that morphed into pneumonia again.
Thank goodness they are such good sports about all the medicine and things that go along with being sick. They've had a nebulizer since they were less than 6 months old, and all the prevacid for their reflux (they were on it from 10 and 15 days old to almost a year) taught them how to swallow syringe-full doses of nasty stuff without gagging.
I took this picture with my phone at the doctor's office the other day. They were on their *second* neb treatment (O2 levels weren't high enough after the first one). What little troopers!
Funny sidenote: When they were done they asked to get down off the table, and then both ran to the door of the exam room (the nurse told us to open it when they were finished to signal to the doctor it was time to come back in). They both stood at the door peeking out into the hall calling "Doctor! Where are you?!? Doctor!!"
Thank goodness they are such good sports about all the medicine and things that go along with being sick. They've had a nebulizer since they were less than 6 months old, and all the prevacid for their reflux (they were on it from 10 and 15 days old to almost a year) taught them how to swallow syringe-full doses of nasty stuff without gagging.
I took this picture with my phone at the doctor's office the other day. They were on their *second* neb treatment (O2 levels weren't high enough after the first one). What little troopers!
Funny sidenote: When they were done they asked to get down off the table, and then both ran to the door of the exam room (the nurse told us to open it when they were finished to signal to the doctor it was time to come back in). They both stood at the door peeking out into the hall calling "Doctor! Where are you?!? Doctor!!"
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Buggy
Last night there was a cricket in our house, which Peanut pointed out to us with great excitement ("Buggy!!"). I handed a plastic cup to Little Man and asked him to take it to Mama so she could catch the buggy and put it outside. Brave boy that he is, he walked right up to it and attempted to put the cup over it himself... at which point the cricket beat a hasty retreat under the couch. I told the kids to say, "come here, buggy, so we can catch you in a cup!" It was the most precious thing to see Peanut bending down to look under the couch, calling "come, buggy! catch cup!" over and over while Little Man squealed "outside! outside!" I'm going to miss these days *sigh*.
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Love, In Two Exhibits
Exhibit A
When I walked in the door, Peanut started jumping up and down saying "Happy! Happy!" with a big smile on her face.
Exhibit B
Little Man had one hand behind my head, and the other behind S's shoulder, and kept pushing us together saying "mmmmua" like he says when he gives kisses.
When I walked in the door, Peanut started jumping up and down saying "Happy! Happy!" with a big smile on her face.
Exhibit B
Little Man had one hand behind my head, and the other behind S's shoulder, and kept pushing us together saying "mmmmua" like he says when he gives kisses.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Oh Happy Day
When they weren't dousing each other with freezing water, they were bopping along to the tunes spun by our resident DJ. Both of our kiddos love to dance, but Peanut is more of an in-the-living-room kind of dancer, whereas Little Man can't seem to contain himself whenever he hears music. He just has to dance!
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Holy Allergic Reaction, Batman!
One sunny Sunday afternoon (two weeks ago), Little Man and Mama (Sylvia) fell asleep on the couch just minutes before we were planning to walk out the door to run some errands. Ever the go-getter on the weekends (ha!), I went ahead and took Peanut out with me to take care of our to-do list, leaving Little Man and Mama napping at home.
Two hours and one frantic phone call later, I arrived home to this:
The culprit? A tiny smidge of hummus Little Man had requested from Mama.
So now we're on the road to finding out what, exactly, Little Man is allergic to. We saw our pediatrician earlier this week, who said that from the pictures (thankfully I happened to have our camera with me) and how we described it, she figures he was "near anaphylaxis." She confirmed that we should have taken him to the ER instead of just dosing him with benadryl, washing him with cool water, and waiting it out (which is what we had done, per the on-call pedi's instructions). After impressing upon us how very serious his reaction was, she prescribed Little Man an epi pen and sent us home with a stack of information and a DVD that shows how to administer the epi pen.
Little Man's appointment with the allergist is next week, so Sylvia and I are combing back through our collective memory and assembling a list of all the foods Little Man has ever seemed to have a reaction to. Turns out-- as we found out when Peanut had her allergist appointment yesterday-- that they won't test for any foods the child hasn't already demonstrated an adverse reaction to. They tested Peanut for chickpeas and sesame because of Little Man's reaction to the hummus, but wouldn't test her for peanuts or anything else. We want to get the biggest bang for our blood-test buck, so we need to make sure the list for Little Man is as comprehensive as possible.
In the meantime, it's one foot in front of the other. Sylvia is still quite shaken by the events of that day, and my stoic nature is, I think, disconcerting to her. Add that to the fact that we're both processing a hefty dose of mommy guilt (her for having fed him the hummus and me for having had a carefree attitude regarding ingesting large amounts of potential allergens while pregnant and breastfeeding), and the result is two exhausted and emotional mommies.
This was the scene when I left the house. My sweet little boy, fast asleep on Mama: 
The culprit? A tiny smidge of hummus Little Man had requested from Mama.
So now we're on the road to finding out what, exactly, Little Man is allergic to. We saw our pediatrician earlier this week, who said that from the pictures (thankfully I happened to have our camera with me) and how we described it, she figures he was "near anaphylaxis." She confirmed that we should have taken him to the ER instead of just dosing him with benadryl, washing him with cool water, and waiting it out (which is what we had done, per the on-call pedi's instructions). After impressing upon us how very serious his reaction was, she prescribed Little Man an epi pen and sent us home with a stack of information and a DVD that shows how to administer the epi pen.
Little Man's appointment with the allergist is next week, so Sylvia and I are combing back through our collective memory and assembling a list of all the foods Little Man has ever seemed to have a reaction to. Turns out-- as we found out when Peanut had her allergist appointment yesterday-- that they won't test for any foods the child hasn't already demonstrated an adverse reaction to. They tested Peanut for chickpeas and sesame because of Little Man's reaction to the hummus, but wouldn't test her for peanuts or anything else. We want to get the biggest bang for our blood-test buck, so we need to make sure the list for Little Man is as comprehensive as possible.
In the meantime, it's one foot in front of the other. Sylvia is still quite shaken by the events of that day, and my stoic nature is, I think, disconcerting to her. Add that to the fact that we're both processing a hefty dose of mommy guilt (her for having fed him the hummus and me for having had a carefree attitude regarding ingesting large amounts of potential allergens while pregnant and breastfeeding), and the result is two exhausted and emotional mommies.
Monday, August 1, 2011
This Is Love
I'm sitting in the nursery, enjoying a few minutes of alone time* while my wife feeds the kids dinner. With all the stress and exhaustion (and attendant bickering), I regret to say that sometimes I forget what a wonderful wife and mother she is. It is soul-satisfying to hear her in there with them, making them laugh and eat their carrots. Sylvia, my love, for everything... THANK YOU!
*I took two cranky, teething, post-daycare babies to the doctor by myself this afternoon... I SO needed the break!
Friday, July 15, 2011
Will I Ever Shake It?
I passed an ambulance coming out of our neighborhood today, and I was instantly transported back to that night when the twins were ten days old and Little Man stopped breathing. I was there again, in the ambulance, strapped to the gurney with my 10-day-old son in my arms. Thirty minutes before, I had found him-- limp and blue-- in the bassinet beside our bed. All the emotions I felt while we fought to keep our boy alive came flooding back, and I drove the rest of the way home in tears.
I wonder how long it will be like this.
I wonder how long it will be like this.
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