BFN Recap Post

As much as I might like to skip right over this post and just talk about where we're going from here, I realize it would be a little strange to skip directly from 12dpo to cycle #2. So, here you go...

IUI #1 was a bust. The BFNs, in order of appearance:

14dpo, Mother's Day: BFN

We thought we'd test on Mother's Day Sunday just because it'd be a neat day to get a BFP (if that was what it was). And, we reasoned, at least we'd be together all day if we were dealing with BFN news. So we tested first thing that morning. We both hunched anxiously over the test, willing that second line to appear. It didn't.

Right after that we went to church. We were both doing okay, having somewhat expected a BFN. That is, until we walked in to church. All of a sudden I was overwhelmed. Everyone all dressed up, wishing each other a happy Mother's Day... It was too much for me and I am ashamed to say I was not able to contain my tears. Luckily I only cried through the first hymn before I was able to pull it together.

At the end of the service, they asked all the mothers to come up to the front of the church. Sylvia went up and stood with all the other mothers and received a flower. When she came back to her seat, she tried to hand the flower to me to hold. I wouldn't take it. All in all, I didn't handle things as well as I'd hoped I would.

After church I took Sylvia out to brunch for Mother's Day, which was fun. The whole day was bittersweet-- trying to celebrate Sylvia as a mother while also trying to absorb that morning's BFN...

15dpo, AM before beta: BFN x 2

Monday morning before my beta we decided to test again. We would be apart when we got the phone call (it was Sylvia's day off and I'd be at work), so we wanted to test together before I went to work. I used a regular hpt first. S thought she saw a faint line, so I tested again with a digital hpt. Turns out S was just having a little double-vision because she didn't have her glasses on. The digital's "NO" was pretty clear.

15dpo, beta: negative (BFN)

Even though we had tested and didn't really expect a different result from the beta, we were both on pins and needles all afternoon. By the time 2:20 rolled around and we hadn't heard from the nurse, we decided to give them a call. I called Sylvia first, then conferenced in the RE's office. After a longer-than-usual wait on hold, the nurse got on the line and told us the beta was negative. She also said that (despite using the progesterone suppositories twice a day) my progesterone was only at a 12.

Once the nurse hung up, Sylvia and I had a mini-cry together before I had to gather myself for my 3:00 meeting. Heart aching, all I wanted was to get home to my wife.